Tumblr 10 day challenge thoughts.

I usually don't give in to these "10 day challenge" things, but I decided to give this one a try.  It's very difficult for me to think of how much my life has changed in the last 2 years, and doing this challenge has reminded me of my old life.  It brought up feelings and reminded me of the one day that changed my life.  We take every day for granted.  My pain is no greater than the pain of others.  I cannot compare my life challenges to anyone elses, I can only see my own.  I will never be the materialistic, bratty teenager i once was.  "Code Blue," the phrase that will forever haunt me, will be what makes me pull through in the end.  I never want to hear someone ask the question "do you want to hold on or let him go" again.  

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back.

Recently, Facebook added a new feature that allows people to ask multiple choice questions that are open to everyone to be answered.  Some are silly and funny, but some are serious.  The latest one that seems to be all over my homepage is the question: "Do you support gay rights?"  I am pretty open minded to most anything, but this bothers me because I cannot wrap my mind around how someone could not support them.  But still, I have several Facebook friends who have answered the question with "no."  I guess it is a matter of opinion, but I thought we lived in a world that strived for equality and fairness.

Someone figure out my life please.

It was SO much easier when my parents picked out my clothes, chose my food, and decided when and where I could go.  Now, I am faced with all of these decisions and I have to make them myself.  I want to be able to see what will happen with each choice before I choose.

Summer Internship

For 13 years I have waited for school to be over so I could indulge in the nothingness that makes up summer break.  That feeling of leaving school on the last day of the year is unlike any other.  Knowing the next 2 months are yours to do anything and everything.

Now, summer vacation means internship.  I am really stoked to do my first internship because it will really help me realize what I want in life.  I am bummed, however, that I will never again have that feeling of the last day of school because I now have the feeling of responsibility.  Sometimes I wish I was a kid again because I feel like I took advantage of that "summer feeling."  To quote myself, "we spend our childhood envying adults, we spend our adulthood envying children."

I got a call today for an interview at CBS Radio out of Pittsburgh.  I am really excited about it because it would be a great opportunity for me to use my skills and expand my knowledge of the field.  However, the internship that I really want is at PromoWest Live productions.  They put on the shows at Stage AE in Pittsburgh and every time I go to their website, I get an unexplainable feeling in my stomach that tells me it is perfect for me.  They have an amazing lineup of artists this summer in a variety of genres. 

What if I start my internship this summer and then realize the field is not right for me?  I do not want to find out I wasted two years of my life thinking I wanted one thing and then failing at it.  

I don't want to fail.

Life.

Whoever said that this was easy, was out of his mind.  Things have changed a lot in the past year.  My priorities, beliefs, and self-image have all shifted.  For the first time, I'm not sure where I am headed or how I will get there.  There are no guarantees.  I hate not knowing where I will be this summer, next year, or after I graduate.  I do know that music plays a large role in my life, which is why I feel confident in the direction my life is headed even if it is unpredictable.  

In the words of Mat Kearney:
"It's undeniable how brilliant you are. In an unreliable world, you shine like a star."